Take the lead…it’s your job!

How many times have you had this conversation with your partner?:

Her: “What would you like to do tonight, honey?”

Him: “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

Her: “I don’t know. Whatever you want to do is fine.”

Him: “No, really, I want you to be happy. What ever you want is fine with me.”

Her: Ugh!!!

This all to familiar exchange seems benign enough to most men, but often is a source of frustration for women everywhere. Why? Because you are not doing your job as a man in the relationship: to lead.

Exchanges like this may be fine when they occur between friends, but they do not play out well between intimate partners. Friends naturally have a concern for fairness and the independence of each other, but the primary aspiration between intimate partners is not fairness or independence but rather sexual chemistry. Sexual chemistry is created out of the polarity between the masculine and the feminine and is required in order to maintain the spark and passion in the relationship.

As a man, by leading the interaction you are demonstrating the masculine side of this equation. It is this demonstration of masculinity that allows a woman to relax in your presence and be feminine. As a result the woman doesn’t have to take on any bit of the masculine role because she knows she’s in the presence of a real man, and thus sexual chemistry is ignited. This is true at all stages of the relationship, but it is especially important in the beginning stages of dating. In fact, leading is often what gets you the date in the first place.   Read the rest of this entry »


Why “Nice Guys” Aren’t Really Nice

 

I despise being called a “nice guy”. I literally recoil in horror and have a visceral emotional reaction, similar to the reaction of women to a creepy guy…the infamous “ewww’! Even when it is truly intended as a compliment I still get the willys. Why would I have this reaction? Because, plainly and simply, being called a nice guy is not a compliment to a man.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do not have a problem with being kind, or a nice person. I believe that is an important part of being a mature man, but the term “nice guy” has a whole other separate meaning. This is especially true when it’s used by a woman to describe a man. For those who need the code, here’s what the term really means:

  • “As a woman I don’t see you as a sexual being and I am not attracted to you whatsoever.”
  • “I can get you to do whatever I want, which is not a challenge to me and shows me your lack of masculine strength and integrity.”
  • “I see through your façade of sweetness and realize that you are only being this way to get me to like you.”
  • “I like you as a person, BUT…(insert limited intimacy request here.)”
  • “You are my bitch!”

The fact is there is a big difference between a nice man and a “nice guy”. A nice man is someone who is genuinely nice to everyone around him, whereas the nice guy is a persona, or social mask, that a guy wears when he is trying to get people to approve of him. This mask seems to come out most frequently when a guy is trying to get the approval of a woman. To wear this mask, especially when interacting with women, can only be a recipe for failure. The reality is that the nice guy is manipulative, inauthentic and insecure. He is an immature man.   Read the rest of this entry »