Take the lead…it’s your job!Posted: March 24, 2011
How many times have you had this conversation with your partner?:
Her: “What would you like to do tonight, honey?”
Him: “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
Her: “I don’t know. Whatever you want to do is fine.”
Him: “No, really, I want you to be happy. What ever you want is fine with me.”
This all to familiar exchange seems benign enough to most men, but often is a source of frustration for women everywhere. Why? Because you are not doing your job as a man in the relationship: to lead.
Exchanges like this may be fine when they occur between friends, but they do not play out well between intimate partners. Friends naturally have a concern for fairness and the independence of each other, but the primary aspiration between intimate partners is not fairness or independence but rather sexual chemistry. Sexual chemistry is created out of the polarity between the masculine and the feminine and is required in order to maintain the spark and passion in the relationship.
As a man, by leading the interaction you are demonstrating the masculine side of this equation. It is this demonstration of masculinity that allows a woman to relax in your presence and be feminine. As a result the woman doesn’t have to take on any bit of the masculine role because she knows she’s in the presence of a real man, and thus sexual chemistry is ignited. This is true at all stages of the relationship, but it is especially important in the beginning stages of dating. In fact, leading is often what gets you the date in the first place.
Giving up the desire to lead is the #1 mistake men make in dating that accelerates the loss of attraction and the termination of the relationship. Even if the relationship isn’t terminated, she may feel like she is settling because she cannot trust you to do your job and fulfill your masculine roll. Unfortunately women will often stay in these relationships unfulfilled, but the passion is essentially neutralized. She may still have affection for you, but that is far from the same thing as attraction. She has affection for her family, her children and most small furry animals, but she not attracted to them.
Women’s attraction to leadership is not anything new, nor is it exclusive to our species. It is a preference deep inside a woman’s genetic makeup, designed to ensure that their offspring have the best chances of survival. This is true of most mammals, and is evident when looking at any social group where there is one dominant male who mates with the majority of the females. It is those dominant (or alpha) males whose genes are passed on, along with the female’s genes for that preference. The same is true for humans. Females in our prehistory who didn’t have the preference for dominant males mated with any old submissive Joe and had offspring that were not leaders, had less chance of survival, and thus less chance of passing on those genes for preferring submissive males. Over evolutionary time the genes for the preference of submissiveness were eventually phased out. As a result we are all descendants of women who had a preference for dominance and leadership in males and the men who displayed this trait. While the necessity of this trait has vastly diminished as civilization has modernized, the genetic remnants of this programming yet remain and are still psychologically relevant to women today. Being a leader is universally attractive to women ancient and modern. It says that you are alpha, dominant and probably have good genes that will ensure the survival and success of her children.
What exactly does a leader look like? To answer this let’s look at two different types of men: James Bond and Adam. James Bond is always aligned with his purpose, which is the mission at stake. He knows where he is going, is always in control and runs the show. He never allows a woman to derail him from his purpose despite countless attempts. You never hear James Bond say to a woman unconfidently “I’m not sure. What do you think we should do?” It is no coincidence that James Bond is the archetype of male attractiveness and he always gets the girl in the end. Contrast to that to Adam. Adam was THE man…literally the first man, but he failed to live up to the role and wear the pants in his relationship. (Sure, there wasn’t any need to wear pants in the garden, but that’s beside the point.) Adam quite willingly gave up his power to Eve in the Garden of Eden, and in his attempt to appease her he followed her lead despite the fact that he knew better. Adam failed to lead and we all know how well that worked out for everyone thereafter.
Leading does not mean that you have to be an accomplished leader in society. In fact, it is more about having the mindset of a leader than it is the actual status, because what is attractive is the perception of status. There are plenty of men who are not social leaders or high status individuals who are massively attractive to women. This is because they have the mindset and traits of a leader. What are these traits? The key ones are certainty of purpose, decisiveness, acting in the face of fear, taking responsibility, inspiring others, having respect for others and concern for their well-being, and embracing a win/win mindset. In essence, they are the traits of the mature masculine because leadership is a display of the strength of your masculine core.
The best way to show a woman that you possess these traits is by leading your interactions with her. This alone will set you apart from a vast majority of men who are attempting to appease her by giving her the reins. By leading and taking charge you allow her to let go of her own masculine side and relax into her feminine side without the fear that you will steer off course of your own certainty of purpose. As she relaxes into femininity and no longer feels obligated to be in charge she will begin to shine with her natural feminine radiance, and thus become more attractive to you and your masculine core. That is the chemistry of sexual polarity in action.
Being a leader who is dominant is not to say that you should be domineering. This is how an immature man attempts to express his leadership, but inevitably his insecurities show through and it is apparent that he is not the leader he is making himself out to be. What’s the difference between being dominant vs. domineering? Respect for others, concern for their well-being, having a win/win mindset, and a connection of heart. You are leading from a place of love rather than out of self-interest.
Next time you are with your woman (or anyone whom you want to be your woman) do her a favor and take the lead. Show her that you know what you want and that you are not afraid to go out and get it. Tell her what you want from a place of strength and passion. Show her you know where you are going and you’d like her to join you. Express your masculine core, it is your gift to her and makes you all the more attractive in her eyes. She’ll thank you for it, and you’ll be rewarded with her feminine radiance. Best of all, the more you embrace and display the role of a leader, the more you eventually evolve into a leader as a natural part of your identity. It is truly a win/win situation for both of you!
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