Sexual Polarity, Part 1

One question I often get asked is “What do you mean when you say sexual polarity?” The simple answer is sexual polarity is the force of attraction between the masculine and the feminine. While this concept seems basic enough, it is painfully obvious when we look at the state of relations between men and women today that it is not fully understood. This is a social tragedy, since as a man understanding the concept of sexual polarity is essential to igniting and maintaining attraction and passion in your intimate interactions.

Few have explicated sexual polarity more eloquently than David Deida in his masterpiece work “Way of the Superior Man.” (I recommend this book to all of my clients as it captures the essence of managing masculinity in the world better than anything I have ever read). Deida explains polarity as:

“Sexual attraction is based upon sexual polarity, which is the force of passion that arcs between the masculine and feminine poles thus creating the flow of sexual feeling. It is this force of attraction that is the dynamism that often disappears in the modern relationship. If you want real passion you need a ravisher and a ravishee, otherwise you just have two buddies who rub genitals in bed…..The love may still be strong, the friendship may still be strong, but the sexual polarity fades unless in moments of intimacy one partner is willing to play the masculine pole and one partner is willing to play the feminine. You have to animate the masculine and the feminine differences if you want to play in the field of sexual passion.”   Read the rest of this entry »