Cupid: Angel of Death for Masculinity & Romance

I used to love Valentine’s Day. In the blissful ignorance of youth I saw it as a day where magic could happen. A day where I could profess my undying love to the woman of my desires in the form of a well-written valentine accompanied by candy or flowers and suddenly the veil would be lifted from her eyes and she would leap into my arms seeing what a great guy I was. After all, how could she resist my grand romantic advances? Needless to say it didn’t work out quite the way I planned, but that didn’t stop me from trying the same exact thing the next four Valentine’s Day…toward the same girl!?! (It hurts just typing that!) After all, eventually it will work. It had to. Everything I ever saw and heard about romance told me so. I was eight years old.

This is the very message that poisons our core beliefs about romance in our society. The notion of romance in our consumer culture has shifted from a focus upon the feminine need for masculine polarity to a call for men to place women on pedestals and buy their affection while bypassing masculinity altogether. The result is men are taught that the way to a woman’s heart is through showering her with gifts and kissing her ass, while women learn that if they are not getting this sort of attention there must be something wrong with them. In the end the men are emasculated, the women are left unfulfilled and insecure and everyone settles for less.  

Of course women want romance. There is nothing wrong with that. However, this commercialized model is not at all what romance is about, but rather an empty promise of a quick path to love and interpersonal fulfillment that most of us buy into. This is not at all the type of romance women want, but most settle for it because the real deal is so rare and fleeting. Few men realize this, or even know what romance actually is in the first place. Expecting a quick fix, they use this second-rate variety of romance as a means to get the attention and approval of women while hoping that a sense of reciprocity will nudge these women into returning their affection. This is nothing short of manipulative nice guy behavior (we all know how I feel about nice guys) and when used alone usually backfires because the guy is not being masculine. Ultimately everyone is disappointed because this popular notion of romance falls short on its promises.

A definite Valentine’s Day no-no….not romantic, just plain creepy!

Women have specific needs that they want from a man. While flowers, candy, jewelry and giant teddy bears are nice gestures, they are not on that list. What the feminine truly craves and thrives on is your masculine presence, appreciation and praise. It is these things, not the gestures of romance alone, that makes her feel feminine. She may still appreciate these gestures, but only when they come from a man who isn’t using them to manipulate her. This is because her attraction is to a man’s authentic confident masculine character, not the gestures themselves, and that is good for everyone. This kind of man does these things without any expectations since his happiness, confidence and identity are completely independent of her praise. For that reason they are genuine, and it is this masculine authenticity that is the difference between putting her on a pedestal and showing her sincere appreciation and praise.

Do you want to give your woman something special on Valentine’s Day? Give her the gift of your undivided masculine presence and your sincere interest and appreciation for who she is and what she thinks. She will be more grateful for this than any physical gift you can get her, for those are only empty gestures without your authentic masculinity. She does not want to be placed up on a pedestal, whether you do it for a day or a lifetime. She wants you as a man to make her feel feminine…like a woman. Only with the gift of your authentic masculinity can she fully realize this state and let her femininity bloom. This is a rare gift. Not only will she appreciate you more for it, you will certainly reap rewards you have only dreamed about otherwise. Trust me!



Other articles you may enjoy:


Why “Nice Guys” Aren’t Really Nice

Don’t Put Her First

Sexual Polarity, Part 2


3 Comments on “Cupid: Angel of Death for Masculinity & Romance”

  1. jbamai says:

    “Give her the gift of your undivided masculine presence and your sincere interest and appreciation for who she is and what she thinks.”

    This could end in disaster. She wants to her female friends about the gift sh to go to work the next day and brag to her female friends about the gift she got. That gift better compete with those of her female friends and it better be something more tangible than your “masculine presence”.

    • Thanks for your comment, but I have to disagree. While women certainly frequently compete with their female friends, if you are sincerely giving your woman your full presence then you are already giving her more than her friend’s partners are likely providing. Her friends (and I use that term loosely) are perceptive and will notice this regardless of how much she shares with them, and they will likely be jealous because her relationship is a blessing every day of the year, not just on romantic occasions. Your woman will have all the validation she needs not only from you giving her your undivided presence, but also from the fact that her friends are resentful.

      Being the emotional creatures that they are, women are not truly attached to the superficial gift or gesture, but the emotional experience behind it. While you can give her something more tangible, I would suggest a shared experience since an emotional experience will trump a physical gift every time. An experience doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive, but for it to connect with her it does require your presence. Also, it should be done because it is congruent with who you are and, and never because you are trying to appease her, win her approval, or out of social obligation.

      Most importantly, I must say that if you are with a woman who values the physical gifts and status that they imply among her peers more than the experience of being with you, then you are with the wrong woman in the first place. This is the same type of person who values the idea of being in a relationship (marriage or otherwise) more than the actual partner they are in it with due to social expectations. This is a primary reason for the high divorce rate in our culture. By not following these social expectations you can filter these women out from the get go and find a sincerely rewarding relationship, thus averting a true disaster!

    • You would be surprised – a lot of women are not like that. I could care less about gifts; it’s nice sometimes, but not necessary at all. It’s just stuff. I have no desire to show off or compete with my girl friends. And, I can honestly say that none of my friends are that type, either. If a women needs fulfillment in the form of physical possessions, there is something wrong on an emotional level that she must fulfill on her own. You, as a man, are not responsible for that, no matter how upset she may get. The unfortunate part is that some people have to spend their entire lives finding happiness and fulfillment from within, if they are meant to find it at all. You tend to have to let those sorts of people go to figure things out on their own. That said, some of us still just love gifts anyway! We love it because it’s a surprise – not because it’s a physical object we can use to show off or validate a relationship! It has nothing to do with the actual gift, the expense of the restaurant, etc.

      P.S. to Brandon: Yeah, commercialized holidays suck… but you don’t have to be a Valentine’s grinch. 😉 The thought is nice; even though in actuality, it’s been totally distorted. You just have to give it your own meaning.

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