Cupid: Angel of Death for Masculinity & RomancePosted: February 12, 2012
I used to love Valentine’s Day. In the blissful ignorance of youth I saw it as a day where magic could happen. A day where I could profess my undying love to the woman of my desires in the form of a well-written valentine accompanied by candy or flowers and suddenly the veil would be lifted from her eyes and she would leap into my arms seeing what a great guy I was. After all, how could she resist my grand romantic advances? Needless to say it didn’t work out quite the way I planned, but that didn’t stop me from trying the same exact thing the next four Valentine’s Day…toward the same girl!?! (It hurts just typing that!) After all, eventually it will work. It had to. Everything I ever saw and heard about romance told me so. I was eight years old.
This is the very message that poisons our core beliefs about romance in our society. The notion of romance in our consumer culture has shifted from a focus upon the feminine need for masculine polarity to a call for men to place women on pedestals and buy their affection while bypassing masculinity altogether. The result is men are taught that the way to a woman’s heart is through showering her with gifts and kissing her ass, while women learn that if they are not getting this sort of attention there must be something wrong with them. In the end the men are emasculated, the women are left unfulfilled and insecure and everyone settles for less.
Of course women want romance. There is nothing wrong with that. However, this commercialized model is not at all what romance is about, but rather an empty promise of a quick path to love and interpersonal fulfillment that most of us buy into. This is not at all the type of romance women want, but most settle for it because the real deal is so rare and fleeting. Few men realize this, or even know what romance actually is in the first place. Expecting a quick fix, they use this second-rate variety of romance as a means to get the attention and approval of women while hoping that a sense of reciprocity will nudge these women into returning their affection. This is nothing short of manipulative nice guy behavior (we all know how I feel about nice guys) and when used alone usually backfires because the guy is not being masculine. Ultimately everyone is disappointed because this popular notion of romance falls short on its promises.
Women have specific needs that they want from a man. While flowers, candy, jewelry and giant teddy bears are nice gestures, they are not on that list. What the feminine truly craves and thrives on is your masculine presence, appreciation and praise. It is these things, not the gestures of romance alone, that makes her feel feminine. She may still appreciate these gestures, but only when they come from a man who isn’t using them to manipulate her. This is because her attraction is to a man’s authentic confident masculine character, not the gestures themselves, and that is good for everyone. This kind of man does these things without any expectations since his happiness, confidence and identity are completely independent of her praise. For that reason they are genuine, and it is this masculine authenticity that is the difference between putting her on a pedestal and showing her sincere appreciation and praise.
Do you want to give your woman something special on Valentine’s Day? Give her the gift of your undivided masculine presence and your sincere interest and appreciation for who she is and what she thinks. She will be more grateful for this than any physical gift you can get her, for those are only empty gestures without your authentic masculinity. She does not want to be placed up on a pedestal, whether you do it for a day or a lifetime. She wants you as a man to make her feel feminine…like a woman. Only with the gift of your authentic masculinity can she fully realize this state and let her femininity bloom. This is a rare gift. Not only will she appreciate you more for it, you will certainly reap rewards you have only dreamed about otherwise. Trust me!
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