Agree to Disagree

Imagine this scenario…you find yourself sitting in front of an amazing woman. A woman who is so intoxicating and fascinating in your eyes, your only desire is to get closer to her. You know you want her to approve of you, be impressed by you, and dammit, you want her to like you. As your conversation progresses you suddenly hear yourself agreeing with her opinions, ones you have staunchly opposed in the past, or out of the blue you tell her you’ll take her to the ballet…and you loathe the ballet! You soon realize you’d do just about anything to keep her from growing cold toward you. You diligently strive to be agreeable, placating and may even say or do things completely out of your character (for better or worse) because you see these actions as the path toward greater intimacy. The scenario may vary: she could be a newfound beauty you want to impress, a date you cautiously avoid conflict with, or even a long-term partner with whom you are on the rocks, but in any case your emotions and actions are the same. Now fast-forward a few months. How’d that end up working out for you?

The reality is that, in one way or another, this strategy of conciliation never works. Women almost always see right through it, especially when it is coupled with any degree of neediness. Even if it does get past her initial filter, she now expects you to be congruent in your words and actions from here on out. If you are not, eventually you will be found out by her and inevitably face the consequences. If you are able to maintain this façade, you will be living a lie that slowly eats away at you from the inside out, ultimately leading to regretting her and causing greater conflict than which you were trying to avoid in the first place.   Read the rest of this entry »

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