Agree to DisagreePosted: March 19, 2012
Imagine this scenario…you find yourself sitting in front of an amazing woman. A woman who is so intoxicating and fascinating in your eyes, your only desire is to get closer to her. You know you want her to approve of you, be impressed by you, and dammit, you want her to like you. As your conversation progresses you suddenly hear yourself agreeing with her opinions, ones you have staunchly opposed in the past, or out of the blue you tell her you’ll take her to the ballet…and you loathe the ballet! You soon realize you’d do just about anything to keep her from growing cold toward you. You diligently strive to be agreeable, placating and may even say or do things completely out of your character (for better or worse) because you see these actions as the path toward greater intimacy. The scenario may vary: she could be a newfound beauty you want to impress, a date you cautiously avoid conflict with, or even a long-term partner with whom you are on the rocks, but in any case your emotions and actions are the same. Now fast-forward a few months. How’d that end up working out for you?
The reality is that, in one way or another, this strategy of conciliation never works. Women almost always see right through it, especially when it is coupled with any degree of neediness. Even if it does get past her initial filter, she now expects you to be congruent in your words and actions from here on out. If you are not, eventually you will be found out by her and inevitably face the consequences. If you are able to maintain this façade, you will be living a lie that slowly eats away at you from the inside out, ultimately leading to regretting her and causing greater conflict than which you were trying to avoid in the first place.
Anytime you attempt to conciliate or placate a woman you are shifting your position form that of having power as the chooser to the powerlessness of the chosen. As the chosen your capacity to build attraction and the lead the interaction is wholly compromised. This is not a place you ever want to be. Worse still, not only are you giving up your power, you are giving it to a woman who is not right for you in the first place! By being falsely agreeable you are bypassing your own quality filter, thus allowing women into your life that you don’t truly want in the first place. This filter is there to prevent you from choosing the wrong woman (and paying the price for it down the road), so do not ignore it. Sure, you may want her in the short term, but even then there is no reason to have to agree with her to connect with her. In fact it is far better that you do not.
Perhaps the biggest flaw in this strategy is that women look at your agreeability as a defect rather than an asset. This is because a man who isn’t willing to stand behind what he believes in is not a man who is dominant or can be trusted. This is so important to a woman that she will test you to be certain that you are really who you say you are. These tests may or may not be conscious to her, and they very likely will never stop. They serve one purpose alone…to see if you are living within your own integrity. From a woman’s perspective, a man who does not live within his integrity is not alpha, dominant or able to be trusted, and therefore not worth mating with. After all, she wants the best possible genes for her offspring, and only a man possessing those traits will have them. (This mate selection strategy is always at work, whether she wants your children or not… it is natural human instinct.)
If you as a man fail even her smallest test, she will realize that you are not living fully in your integrity, and she will continue to look for those flaws and test you until you are fully exposed and broken. However, a man with integrity is a man truly worth being with, for he makes her feel feminine and is trustworthy in her eyes. Even if she doesn’t like everything he says or does, she knows exactly what to expect and will keep on coming back because of the way he makes her feel.
When you disagree with a woman she realizes instantly that you are not trying to placate her, impress her or simply avoid conflict. It is clear that you stand behind your beliefs and this is sexy to her…it literally will turn her on because you are being masculine and thus igniting her femininity. (She can also tell when you are intentionally disagreeing with her in order to build attraction, which is no more authentic than being agreeable is.)
Maybe right about now you are saying “but I authentically want to appease her and make her happy…that’s who I am”. Respectfully I disagree, and if you are honest with yourself you will realize that is not your genuine motivation, but rather a façade you lay over your true self to buffer the risk of rejection or loss. It is this façade that is one of the primary barriers holding you back from being your authentic self and truly connecting with women. You are simply being nice to get what you want from her, which is greater intimacy of some sort. How would you really act if you didn’t care to achieve this? That, my friend, is the real you, and that is the person who will spark her attraction and intrigue.
So exactly how should you act around a woman you want to attract? Fortunately that is simple once you are willing to let go of your desire to placate her. Just be honest with yourself, and therefore with her, in all that you say and do, and be aware when you are not. If you always are being who you really are she will trust you because she will not be able to detect any dishonesty and insincerity from you, only your authenticity. Even if what you say is completely contradictory to her values, don’t simply nod and agree with her…tell her how you really feel. Let her get to know the real you, the passionate you, the authentic you. Women are emotional creatures who respond to strong emotions good or bad. If you are simply being agreeable then you are not creating any strong emotions and she will see you as boring, weak and certainly not a man who feels inspiring and exciting to be around. Yes, this idea is counterintuitive and perhaps even a bit revolutionary, but it works, and best of all it is completely honest and sincere.
If you only remember one thing here today, remember this: when interacting with women, authentic masculinity will trump nice, familiar and agreeable every time, so always strive toward being the real you and agree to disagree with her!
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