A Tale Of Two SinglesPosted: August 31, 2012
Once upon a time two single men sat together at a bar catching up with each other’s life. The first man complained how there were no quality available women out there. He ranted on about how all single women were neurotic or messed up, that the ones he was attracted to were flakes and the few he did date fade away soon thereafter. The second man sat there and listened curiously to the first man as he vented on and on, telling his tale. Once the first man finally paused in his frustration, the second man said in a consoling voice “Hang in there mate, you’ll meet the right one someday.” Soon thereafter the second man kindly excused himself. “You’re going already?” asked the first man. “Yea, unfortunately I have to roll. I’m completely inundated today…I have a date waiting, a party to attend and some other friends to meet up with after that. It’s crazy!”
When it comes down to it, there are two kinds of single people in the world. The first kind is very much like the first man. They are single by circumstance, and thus unhappy, insecure and often jaded by their situation. They see being single from a perspective rife with anxiety; as the worst of times that will only be alleviated by uniting with another partner and thus relieving their unease. This anxiety is not entirely unfounded however, for it is not only singles that view their status with such disdain, but rather society as a whole. Being single is generally seen as an incomplete existence and not as a viable (or even acceptable) life choice. People who are single are often looked upon as victims of circumstance in need of sympathy or even worse, as if there is something wrong with them. Fortunately there is another option.
The second kind of single person has an altogether different outlook. They embrace singledom as a choice rather than a curse. This is the mindset of the second man in our tale, a man who sees his singlehood as the best of times. He lives his life following his desires and makes the most out of his free time that would otherwise be occupied by his relationship and eventually his family if he so chooses to go down that road.* What he does not do is sit around waiting for his life to change. Instead he seizes life by the throat and takes responsibility for creating the lifestyle he desires regardless of his relationship status. Ironically enough his passion, leadership and purpose-driven life are the very traits that make him so attractive that women want to bask in his presence. For this reason he is always meeting new people, building his social circle and is inundated with opportunity…a high quality problem when compared to the other options.
When it comes down to it most people are looking for a monogamous, committed relationship, but before you’re in one you must learn to love your life as it is and not buy into the myth that being single means being incomplete. The bottom line here is the quality of your life should never be influenced by your relationship status. If you look to your relationships to solve your problems you are in for a big surprise…your problems will only compound! Our personal happiness is determined ideally from within ourselves, our beliefs and our perspective in life, and it is 100% malleable. When you look outside of yourself for your happiness you are placing your personal well-being into the hands of others, others who may not want that responsibility or even have your best interest truly in mind. Even when it seems that someone else is the source of your happiness, in reality it still is your perspective that determines that value judgment and not the person themselves. As a mature man (or woman for that matter) you must take personal responsibility for your own happiness. If you don’t you will always be handing your personal power into someone else’s hands, whether they know it or not, and that is a very precarious position.
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” – William Shakespeare
Do you love your life this very moment? If not, change it! Start designing a life that you can truly be passionate about. That responsibility lies solely in your hands, so do not wait around depending on others to make your life more interesting. Once you are leading the life you choose you won’t feel the pangs to get into a relationship to fulfill and “complete” you. In fact, if you are living your single existence to the fullest you won’t want to change it for just anyone. You’ll be having far too much fun! More importantly, if you do decide to settle down, it won’t be from a feeling of emptiness, scarcity or insecurity but rather because you have found someone that makes your life even better. By starting with a kick-ass lifestyle to begin with that bar will be pretty high. As a result you will be much more selective and only a woman of the highest caliber will do. I strongly suggest that you set this standard from the very beginning, when you are dating casually. By surrounding yourself with only high quality people, especially those you date, your tolerance for anyone with questionable motivations, morals and behaviors will be much lower, and thus the quality of your life rises accordingly.
Once the word gets out you are living your fabulous life as a single gent people will come out of the woodwork wanting to hook you up with their single girlfriends. (Yes, I too find the irony fascinating!) While this in all probability is coming from the unconscious mindset that everyone needs to be coupled up to be happy and reach their full potential, it also is very likely that their friends are having a hard time meeting quality men as single gals. Like the two men in our story, these people also happen to be getting together with their girlfriends and hearing the trials and tribulations of single life, and they want their friends to be happy. There you are living a passionate life, happy and fun to be around, so who wouldn’t want to hitch onto that ride? Of course the real benefit here is that you now have choice and are not simply ending up with women solely because they chose you or you “got lucky”. This is not about luck. It is about designing your life the way that best aligns with your desires. Once you do so and live it fully things will begin to unfold for you without you even having to try. This may look like luck in some people’s eyes, but you will know better!
As you can see, we all have a choice of how to view our singlehood, and it is this choice that will determine your reality. If you believe being single means the worst of times, they will be. In corollary, if you believe that being single will be the best of times, they also will be. In the end, if you choose to value yourself and your time as a single person you will be altogether happier, more fulfilled and a better partner when the time comes to be something other than single. It’s that simple, so choose wisely!
If you are looking for that extra push to help you begin to live the single life you desire, please inquire about my personal coaching program at firstname.lastname@example.org. With very reasonable rates and proven results I constantly strive to deliver you massive value and the tools to make the difference in your life!
*Understand I am not saying that once you are in a relationship that you have to dedicate all of your time to that person or your family to keep them happy. On the contrary, it is vitally important to your relationships that you keep doing the things that made you attractive in the first place. This certainly includes taking time for yourself to pursue the things you love to do. For more on this, please click here.
Other articles you may enjoy: