Do you find yourself frequently in and out of relationships, only to get to a certain point before they terminate? Perhaps you are dating the same partner over and over again, only they happen to have a different name and address? If you are like most people, you very likely are running the same relational scripts over and over again expecting new results. Albert Einstein once described such behavior as insanity. The fact is there are specific skills needed to make any relationship work, and so often they are only learned through hard and painful experiences, if learned at all. In western society we are not formally taught relationship skills and often our parents, siblings, friends or other role models are still trying to figure it all out themselves. Unless we seek out qualified help we are left to fend for ourselves when it comes to each relational minefield. This is where I come in. Like any other skill, the secret to relationship mastery is to learn and adapt accordingly to each individual situation. That said, I give you the following five key principles to prevent your next relationship from following down the same path as your previous ones. Read the rest of this entry »
Body language. The very notion that our bodies are secretly communicating to each other is mysterious, sexy and intriguing. At the same time most of us walk through the world without ever being consciously aware of what exactly our bodies are saying. While body language may seem enigmatic or even bizarre, it is very real and quite reliable. The good news is that it is not all that hard to comprehend once you have the basic code. Once you do all of your interactions will take on new dimensions of meaning and you will be well on your way to much greater social acuity and effectiveness. Not only will you communicate more clearly and confidently, you will also be able to interpret the exact messages that others are sending with surprising accuracy.
Over the next several articles here at Evolution:Male I will break down body language into several more digestible subtopics that we can delve deeper into. While this series will be far from a comprehensive look at the subject, it will provide you with a strong foundation in understanding the subtleties of body language and the tools to effectively apply that knowledge into your social interactions. Read the rest of this entry »
Once upon a time two single men sat together at a bar catching up with each other’s life. The first man complained how there were no quality available women out there. He ranted on about how all single women were neurotic or messed up, that the ones he was attracted to were flakes and the few he did date fade away soon thereafter. The second man sat there and listened curiously to the first man as he vented on and on, telling his tale. Once the first man finally paused in his frustration, the second man said in a consoling voice “Hang in there mate, you’ll meet the right one someday.” Soon thereafter the second man kindly excused himself. “You’re going already?” asked the first man. “Yea, unfortunately I have to roll. I’m completely inundated today…I have a date waiting, a party to attend and some other friends to meet up with after that. It’s crazy!”
When it comes down to it, there are two kinds of single people in the world. The first kind is very much like the first man. They are single by circumstance, and thus unhappy, insecure and often jaded by their situation. They see being single from a perspective rife with anxiety; as the worst of times that will only be alleviated by uniting with another partner and thus relieving their unease. This anxiety is not entirely unfounded however, for it is not only singles that view their status with such disdain, but rather society as a whole. Being single is generally seen as an incomplete existence and not as a viable (or even acceptable) life choice. People who are single are often looked upon as victims of circumstance in need of sympathy or even worse, as if there is something wrong with them. Fortunately there is another option. Read the rest of this entry »
Mike: Where’s Jeff?
Scott: I don’t know. Haven’t seen him in weeks.
Brian: Haven’t you heard? He has a new girlfriend.
Mike & Scott: (simultaneously) Oohhh.
Mike: I guess we’ll see him in a couple of months when she dumps him.
For many of us this scene is all too familiar. We’ve all had a friend like Jeff who puts the woman he’s dating ahead of everything else in his life. Maybe it has even been you. If it is, I urge you to cease and desist immediately and vow never to do so again. Not because it is good for your friends, but because it is good for you, your gal and your relationship.
When you drop everything on your plate for a woman, not only will you irritate all of your friends and family, you will also frustrate your date to the point where she will either own you or eventually leave you in the dust (if not both!) While this seems counterintuitive and goes against what many of us have been taught by society regarding chivalry and romance, doing so could not be more counterproductive. Contrary to what a woman may say, deep down she does not truly want to be a man’s number one priority. Read the rest of this entry »
I used to love Valentine’s Day. In the blissful ignorance of youth I saw it as a day where magic could happen. A day where I could profess my undying love to the woman of my desires in the form of a well-written valentine accompanied by candy or flowers and suddenly the veil would be lifted from her eyes and she would leap into my arms seeing what a great guy I was. After all, how could she resist my grand romantic advances? Needless to say it didn’t work out quite the way I planned, but that didn’t stop me from trying the same exact thing the next four Valentine’s Day…toward the same girl!?! (It hurts just typing that!) After all, eventually it will work. It had to. Everything I ever saw and heard about romance told me so. I was eight years old.
This is the very message that poisons our core beliefs about romance in our society. The notion of romance in our consumer culture has shifted from a focus upon the feminine need for masculine polarity to a call for men to place women on pedestals and buy their affection while bypassing masculinity altogether. The result is men are taught that the way to a woman’s heart is through showering her with gifts and kissing her ass, while women learn that if they are not getting this sort of attention there must be something wrong with them. In the end the men are emasculated, the women are left unfulfilled and insecure and everyone settles for less. Read the rest of this entry »
Over the years I have spent a considerable amount of time talking to women about all aspects of dating, relationships and sex. To my dismay one of the most common themes I still hear is that if a woman sleeps with a guy too soon he won’t call her back. To counteract this women will avoid sleeping with a guy on a first date even when they want to. This is especially true when the woman sees the guy as relationship material, and thus she becomes even more demure. This dysfunctional dating strategy can be solely attributed to women’s fear of the stigma that men attach to such behavior, namely that they will be viewed as “sluts” who will sleep with anyone. While this mindset at first seems completely antiquated, it turns out that there are still a lot of men who actually believe this and do not call these girls back for second dates, thus proving the ladies’ point. My point here: these guys are missing the boat.
It has been over 40 years since the sexual revolution began, yet men today are still losing respect for women when they have sex with them early on in their interaction. What’s the deal here? Is this the 1950s? Clearly there is a double standard that exists between male and female sexuality in our society: men are admired for expressing their sexuality whereas women are defamed for it. This gendered double standard has since shaped the social perceptions of modern dating, with the result being its current dysfunctional state. Sure, I could spend time here going into all the sociological and psychological reasons why this double standard exists, but instead I’d rather enlighten you to the fallacy of this thinking and reveal a whole other world of possibilities with women this belief is holding you back from experiencing. Read the rest of this entry »