Don’t Put Her First

Mike: Where’s Jeff?
Scott: I don’t know. Haven’t seen him in weeks.
Brian: Haven’t you heard? He has a new girlfriend.
Mike & Scott: (simultaneously) Oohhh.
Mike: I guess we’ll see him in a couple of months when she dumps him.

For many of us this scene is all too familiar. We’ve all had a friend like Jeff who puts the woman he’s dating ahead of everything else in his life. Maybe it has even been you. If it is, I urge you to cease and desist immediately and vow never to do so again. Not because it is good for your friends, but because it is good for you, your gal and your relationship.

When you drop everything on your plate for a woman, not only will you irritate all of your friends and family, you will also frustrate your date to the point where she will either own you or eventually leave you in the dust (if not both!) While this seems counterintuitive and goes against what many of us have been taught by society regarding chivalry and romance, doing so could not be more counterproductive. Contrary to what a woman may say, deep down she does not truly want to be a man’s number one priority.  Read the rest of this entry »

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Agree to Disagree

Imagine this scenario…you find yourself sitting in front of an amazing woman. A woman who is so intoxicating and fascinating in your eyes, your only desire is to get closer to her. You know you want her to approve of you, be impressed by you, and dammit, you want her to like you. As your conversation progresses you suddenly hear yourself agreeing with her opinions, ones you have staunchly opposed in the past, or out of the blue you tell her you’ll take her to the ballet…and you loathe the ballet! You soon realize you’d do just about anything to keep her from growing cold toward you. You diligently strive to be agreeable, placating and may even say or do things completely out of your character (for better or worse) because you see these actions as the path toward greater intimacy. The scenario may vary: she could be a newfound beauty you want to impress, a date you cautiously avoid conflict with, or even a long-term partner with whom you are on the rocks, but in any case your emotions and actions are the same. Now fast-forward a few months. How’d that end up working out for you?

The reality is that, in one way or another, this strategy of conciliation never works. Women almost always see right through it, especially when it is coupled with any degree of neediness. Even if it does get past her initial filter, she now expects you to be congruent in your words and actions from here on out. If you are not, eventually you will be found out by her and inevitably face the consequences. If you are able to maintain this façade, you will be living a lie that slowly eats away at you from the inside out, ultimately leading to regretting her and causing greater conflict than which you were trying to avoid in the first place.   Read the rest of this entry »


What Your Eye Contact Says About You

As the famous proverb goes, the eyes are the window to the soul. We feel the truth in this statement whenever we look into the eyes of another and emotionally connect to their passions, intentions, loves and fears. There is a sense of exposure when we gaze into the eyes of another, as if we are standing naked in front of them, confronted with our vulnerability. Like the picture that says a thousand words, our eyes are able to express our entire emotional palate and reveal our true inner state.

In a world full of disconnected and non-confrontational means of communication, the ability to hold strong eye contact with another person is one of the most important and yet overlooked social skills. This is tragic as it is the most powerful of all our nonverbal communication elements (which make up more than half of the messages we are sending) and how most people reveal their attraction towards one another. Here we’ll explore a three-part discussion on eye contact, specifically how it is used in our everyday interpersonal interactions, in creating attraction, and in developing greater intimacy with your partner.   Read the rest of this entry »


Take the lead…it’s your job!

How many times have you had this conversation with your partner?:

Her: “What would you like to do tonight, honey?”

Him: “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

Her: “I don’t know. Whatever you want to do is fine.”

Him: “No, really, I want you to be happy. What ever you want is fine with me.”

Her: Ugh!!!

This all to familiar exchange seems benign enough to most men, but often is a source of frustration for women everywhere. Why? Because you are not doing your job as a man in the relationship: to lead.

Exchanges like this may be fine when they occur between friends, but they do not play out well between intimate partners. Friends naturally have a concern for fairness and the independence of each other, but the primary aspiration between intimate partners is not fairness or independence but rather sexual chemistry. Sexual chemistry is created out of the polarity between the masculine and the feminine and is required in order to maintain the spark and passion in the relationship.

As a man, by leading the interaction you are demonstrating the masculine side of this equation. It is this demonstration of masculinity that allows a woman to relax in your presence and be feminine. As a result the woman doesn’t have to take on any bit of the masculine role because she knows she’s in the presence of a real man, and thus sexual chemistry is ignited. This is true at all stages of the relationship, but it is especially important in the beginning stages of dating. In fact, leading is often what gets you the date in the first place.   Read the rest of this entry »