Do you find yourself frequently in and out of relationships, only to get to a certain point before they terminate? Perhaps you are dating the same partner over and over again, only they happen to have a different name and address? If you are like most people, you very likely are running the same relational scripts over and over again expecting new results. Albert Einstein once described such behavior as insanity. The fact is there are specific skills needed to make any relationship work, and so often they are only learned through hard and painful experiences, if learned at all. In western society we are not formally taught relationship skills and often our parents, siblings, friends or other role models are still trying to figure it all out themselves. Unless we seek out qualified help we are left to fend for ourselves when it comes to each relational minefield. This is where I come in. Like any other skill, the secret to relationship mastery is to learn and adapt accordingly to each individual situation. That said, I give you the following five key principles to prevent your next relationship from following down the same path as your previous ones. Read the rest of this entry »
Mike: Where’s Jeff?
Scott: I don’t know. Haven’t seen him in weeks.
Brian: Haven’t you heard? He has a new girlfriend.
Mike & Scott: (simultaneously) Oohhh.
Mike: I guess we’ll see him in a couple of months when she dumps him.
For many of us this scene is all too familiar. We’ve all had a friend like Jeff who puts the woman he’s dating ahead of everything else in his life. Maybe it has even been you. If it is, I urge you to cease and desist immediately and vow never to do so again. Not because it is good for your friends, but because it is good for you, your gal and your relationship.
When you drop everything on your plate for a woman, not only will you irritate all of your friends and family, you will also frustrate your date to the point where she will either own you or eventually leave you in the dust (if not both!) While this seems counterintuitive and goes against what many of us have been taught by society regarding chivalry and romance, doing so could not be more counterproductive. Contrary to what a woman may say, deep down she does not truly want to be a man’s number one priority. Read the rest of this entry »
I used to love Valentine’s Day. In the blissful ignorance of youth I saw it as a day where magic could happen. A day where I could profess my undying love to the woman of my desires in the form of a well-written valentine accompanied by candy or flowers and suddenly the veil would be lifted from her eyes and she would leap into my arms seeing what a great guy I was. After all, how could she resist my grand romantic advances? Needless to say it didn’t work out quite the way I planned, but that didn’t stop me from trying the same exact thing the next four Valentine’s Day…toward the same girl!?! (It hurts just typing that!) After all, eventually it will work. It had to. Everything I ever saw and heard about romance told me so. I was eight years old.
This is the very message that poisons our core beliefs about romance in our society. The notion of romance in our consumer culture has shifted from a focus upon the feminine need for masculine polarity to a call for men to place women on pedestals and buy their affection while bypassing masculinity altogether. The result is men are taught that the way to a woman’s heart is through showering her with gifts and kissing her ass, while women learn that if they are not getting this sort of attention there must be something wrong with them. In the end the men are emasculated, the women are left unfulfilled and insecure and everyone settles for less. Read the rest of this entry »