Do you find yourself frequently in and out of relationships, only to get to a certain point before they terminate? Perhaps you are dating the same partner over and over again, only they happen to have a different name and address? If you are like most people, you very likely are running the same relational scripts over and over again expecting new results. Albert Einstein once described such behavior as insanity. The fact is there are specific skills needed to make any relationship work, and so often they are only learned through hard and painful experiences, if learned at all. In western society we are not formally taught relationship skills and often our parents, siblings, friends or other role models are still trying to figure it all out themselves. Unless we seek out qualified help we are left to fend for ourselves when it comes to each relational minefield. This is where I come in. Like any other skill, the secret to relationship mastery is to learn and adapt accordingly to each individual situation. That said, I give you the following five key principles to prevent your next relationship from following down the same path as your previous ones. Read the rest of this entry »
Resolutions. Most of us think about them this time of year, perhaps even make these well-intentioned promises to ourselves, but by the end of January the vast majority are either forgotten or surrendered. Another year passes by and that next December we make those same resolutions again, telling ourselves “this year will be different”, only to delude ourselves yet again. It is a vicious cycle of rising optimism followed by diminishing willpower, self-reproach and deflated esteem.
Nestled among thirteen different definitions in my dictionary is the meaning of the term resolution as it traditionally applies in our culture on this holiday: “a firm decision to do something”. While your resolution may be a firm decision, what exactly backs that decision up? Is it the thin veneer of newly found confidence beneath a core of well-practiced uncertainty or self doubt that you are putting our faith in? Are you simply taking advantage of the socially accepted do-over? Do you really believe this is finally the year that you will lose those pounds, quit that job or habit you loathe or act on that dream you’ve intended on pursuing for the past decade? What is different about today from yesterday that suddenly gives you the magic ability to change? Read the rest of this entry »