Eye Contact Part 3: The Look of Love

In the past two posts we’ve discussed using eye contact in the context of building interpersonal connections and creating attraction with others that we don’t know. Today I want to discuss using eye contact to amplify the attraction and emotional bond you already have with those you care about. The techniques here can be used very effectively to build intimacy, trust and love with anyone you know and like, but are especially powerful when used between you and your intimate partner.

The eyes have perhaps inspired more poetry and prose than any other subject, specifically because they are so closely tied to intimacy and our perceptions of love and passion. The sheer number of metaphors dedicated to the eyes filling volumes of pages certainly attests to the universal emotional power that they evoke. But there is truth in fiction here: academic studies have consistently shown eye contact to be the single most common theme in accounts of people falling in love across a variety of cultures. It seems that people all across the world get lost in the eyes of their lovers during moments of passion, blissfully swimming in the tide of emotions they see within them.

The fact is that eye contact between two lovers is the foundation of the dance of intimacy. For this reason it is crucial to nurture this connection in your intimate relationships. The more eye contact you have with your partner, the deeper the intimacy will develop. If eye contact is neglected however, intimacy will slowly diminish and eventually be starved out altogether. Just like your physical body, relationships need to be fed and tended to, and eye contact is the nourishment that allows relational intimacy and connection to blossom and flourish. The most effective way to nourish this intimacy is to take the time to practice deliberate prolonged eye contact.   Read the rest of this entry »